Angry!

As I sit here tonight, I am angry. Angry at the injustice in the world – not just for my family and me, but for everyone who has ever had to experience it.

Tonight, our family went to the movies. Those of you with families probably think this was an innocent night of fun and not much more. We did as well. We got the popcorn, the drinks, and sat down in front, away from other people. It was not crowded, so the entire front section of four rows was empty. It’s a big theater, so those four rows made up approximately 100 seats. We were off to one side and the only ones in that section at all. This was done consciously because munchkin #3 has tics. We didn’t want to bother anyone.

The movie came on. It was Nim’s Island and munchkin #3 loves animals, so he was enthralled by it. The sound was quite loud and for the majority of it, you couldn’t hear his tics at all. I know, I was sitting right next to him. Then, disaster struck. The movie hit a quiet part. The tics were there, but the sound was loud enough that they didn’t interrupt the dialogue at all. I breathed a sigh of relief. Then, from a few rows back, a woman yelled out, “Stop making that noise!” I try to give people the benefit of the doubt and educate them. Tourette’s isn’t something a lot of people know about, so they may think these sounds are voluntary. However, in the middle of a movie in a quiet theater, it wasn’t exactly the time for a long lesson on Tourette’s. I made do with, “He can’t help it,” loud enough for everyone – including the woman who had yelled out – to hear. She shot back, “Then you have to leave the theater because you are annoying everyone in it.” Notice it wasn’t a plea to leave the theater, but a command. I probably shouldn’t have, but I retorted with, “I hope you have a child with a disability someday.” Of course, there are a thousand better comebacks I can now think of, but at the time, that was the only one in my head. In any event, that put an end to the “conversation” and everyone stayed quiet after that.

About five minutes later, my son who loved the movie, whispered, “Maybe I should leave.” I asked him if he wanted to see the end of the picture and he nodded yes, then whispered again, “But maybe I should leave now.” I told him he could watch the movie until it was over and that’s exactly what we did. I wanted to tell that woman a few things more, wanted to give her a piece of my mind. But, I didn’t. We watched the movie and left as soon as the credits began to roll so we would be out of there before the rest of them.

I have been seething with anger ever since. Well, anger and a breaking heart both. This is the equivalent to having someone ask you to leave because you sneezed and made too much noise. Or blinked too much. Or breathed too loud. Tics are involuntary – he can no more control them than others can control taking a breath, blinking their eyes, or sneezing.

I’m not so much angry at that woman tonight – she was just ignorant. But, I’m angry at a world that does not tolerate differences. What is wrong with people? We’re all individuals … we’re supposed to be different. So why do people act this way? Intolerance runs rampant and people just don’t see it or care. So what if someone has a different skin color, a different religion, or a different sexual orientation? So what if someone is in a wheelchair, someone else is autistic, and another is unable to read? Life is all about diversity. You’re never going to find another person exactly like you are. We should be rejoicing in our differences, not condemning others for having them.

What is wrong with this world we’re living in??

The Side No One Sees

We've had a rough few weeks with the Tourette's. Munchkin #3's tics are still continuous and there doesn't seem to be anything that will work to stop – or even slow – them. We did get him to the TS doctor, which is a two-hour trip one-way. It takes up most of one day to get there, see the doctor, and then come home. Not something we undertake lightly, but we felt it was important for the doctor to see him out-of-control like this. Normally when we go, things are pretty good.

The TS doctor was concerned. I think he finally saw what we've been telling him about these episodes, so the trip was worthwhile. He had initially switched Munchkin #3 to a different medication about two weeks ago, so when we saw him in the office, he doubled the dose of the new stuff. It has done little to nothing so far. He did mention we might have to triple it or even go higher. That makes me nervous. I don't want to drug my child; I just want to give him his life back.

Speaking of lives, this is the side of the syndrome most people don't see. Now, if you have a family member with a visible problem or disability, you will know exactly what I'm talking about. In the stores, you get the stares. You get the snide comments. You get the rude remarks. People walk away from you, and they are angry. Well, you know what? I'm angry too. I try to be nice; try to understand most people don't know about this thing called Tourette's … but, do you have to be rude and nasty? Just ASK why he’s doing that … politely. We’ll be happy to educate you.

Yesterday, I had him in the grocery store with me. Now, you have to understand his main tic right now is making a farting sound with his mouth. He also squeaks in a high pitch, jerks his arms, and about every fourth tic, he shuffles his feet. It's pretty obvious something is wrong. First, we encountered an older man who said to me, “Sounds like he is in love with farting.” I smiled; wasn't up to trying to educate this one. Next, a woman stared at him and followed us around the store. Aisle after aisle, she just kept up right behind us – staring. Next, another man said, “Doesn't he ever shut up?” I told him he can't, this is involuntary. He nodded and walked away quickly.

Last, but not least, we were in line paying for the groceries. My wonderful son was bagging everything up, even though his tics were making the simple task much more difficult. But, he wanted to help me. The stalking lady walked past him and said, “You are a rude little boy!” If I had been near her, I would have stuck my foot out to trip her. I mean, what the…? Can’t they see he’s shaking too? Can’t they understand NO ONE would keep that up for that long by choice? I looked at my son and saw the tears forming in his eyes and my heart just broke. He said, “Mom, did you hear what she just said?” I told him, “Yes, and she is just ignorant. If she had any brains at all, she would have politely asked why you were doing it, and then we could have told her.” He smiled. I smiled. Inside, we both were angry and hurt.

The sad part is, we get this kind of behavior from so-called adults everywhere we go now.

I'm Back!

Well, it's certainly been a while since I posted! Sorry about that, our family had several crisis in a row and blogging took a back seat for a while.

First, my mother fell and broke her hip. Since she is nearly 80 years old, this was a concern to us all. She had many complications from the fall and endured six surgeries. The last was only a week ago and we're hoping she doesn't need any more. Add to that an infection that wouldn't heal and a scare with her heart, and it becomes clear why we've been so worried about her. As I write this, she has finally been discharged after 5 weeks from the hospital and is currently in a rehab facility. I think she is on the road to recovery at long last.

Since I was spending so much time at the hospital with my mother, then coming home and trying to do all my normal activities as well, I managed to run myself down. I caught that awful flu bug going around and wound up in the hospital for a week myself. Recovering slowly, but each day is better than the last, so I'm not complaining.

Now, all of the above would be tough on any family, but we're not just any family. We're a Tourette's family. Simply put, added stress equals added symptoms and behaviors. Munchkin #3 really lost it with both grandma and mom in the hospital. He had nightly meltdowns and let me tell you, nothing breaks my heart more than to hear him cry over the phone that he needs me home and I'm stuck in the hospital. My husband did the best he could, but this is a kid who craves routine and mom not home at night is definitely not the routine. So, he cried. He didn't sleep. He was miserable. His tics increased until they were nearly non-stop, and he missed a lot of school.

Meanwhile, Munchkin #2 handled things in a different manner. His response to the stress was to get into trouble. Constant trouble, mind you. He defied teachers and his father. He got detentions at school. He became sullen and moody. Yes, he's days away from being 13, so some of this is normal. But, some isn't. I'm worried about #2, to be honest. Things are settling down and he's still sullen and moody. He just wants to be alone and sleep. Since he's shorter than most kids his age, I know he gets bullied at school. We've tried to stop it, but it still continues. In my heart, I think he's depressed and I'm going to look into counseling for him. I hate to see any of my kids hurting and I feel he is. Maybe a counselor can get him to talk a bit because he's sure not talking to us anymore.

Munchkin #1 actually did fairly well over the last month and a half, all things considered. She was moderately helpful with her brothers, and actually did her chores while I was in the hospital. Doesn't seem like much, but normally getting her to do any chore is ... well, a chore. Don't get me wrong - at 14, she thinks she knows everything there is to know and actually came out and told us that she knows much better than her "lame" parents. Okay, she didn't use the word "lame" but you could tell in the roll of the eyes it was on the tip of her tongue. Basically, she drives us crazy - which I suppose is her job as head teenager of the family. But, again, all things considered, she's handled the extra stress on the family fairly well.

Things will be happening with Munchkin #3 over the next few days. His tics never subsided once I came home and at this point, school is pretty much out of the question. All he is learning is how cruel the other kids can be - nothing much else. We're making an unscheduled trip to see the Tourette's doctor to try and address some of this. We're also considering home schooling for a while. I'm no teacher, but I know the school setting is not right for him at this point. We have to do something. I'll update the blog as we make these decisions for him.

In the interim, stay healthy out there. I don't know about other areas, but here people are dropping like flies from that flu virus. All the hospitals are full as well. So, take your vitamins and wash your hands frequently. If you do get it, take care of yourself.

More to come.