Troubles at School

Well, munchkin #3 strikes again. My "welcome" to the new week was a call from the principal saying he stole some pens and pencils from his special ed teacher. He loves this teacher, I can't imagine what he was thinking. Or, that he was thinking at all! The principal stressed that he told the truth when confronted, so I guess that is something. I personally hate lying, but I do understand kids do it. I'm glad maybe the years of stressing the importance of telling the truth seemed to have sunk in.

We asked him why he did it and he replied, "Because I wanted them." This is a 10-year-old, not a kid in kindergarten. He knows better. The principal said he is not acting like himself at school and we've noticed some of the same behaviors at home. He has no impulse control at all. He's more defiant; more aggressive. I don't know what this is - could puberty be starting so soon? Or is this something to do with the medication we switched him to back in November? Or, something else entirely? Sometimes it's all a guessing game.

He did get tears in his eyes when we pushed him on why he would do this. He mentioned kids teasing him at school and insisted his tics are worse at school than at home. Guess I need to call his teacher in the morning and verify that. Sometimes he gets an exaggerated idea in his head and it's real to him, but not to the rest of us. However, it's entirely possible he is getting more nervous at school due to the teasing, which will increase the tics. It can be a vicious circle. Any strong emotions - even positive ones - will make them worse.

I am so glad we see the TS doc next week. He's going to get an earful!

Back To School And Routine

It's been a busy week. The kids went back to school on Wednesday and we always hold our breaths with Munchkin #3 (youngest). There was a time when he was younger that he would have a real problem going back after a vacation like this. Thankfully, the last two years he has not had that reaction - he runs happily back into school and the routine he loves so much. This time was the same, but we still always have that worry in the back of our heads. When you have a kid like this, you know things can turn on a dime. You know that everything can be stable going to bed one night and by the next morning, things have fallen apart. It's happened so many times in the past that you learn to not trust the good times too much. It is just so easy for it all to fall apart.

His last battle with the tics was like this. He had enjoyed an almost tic-free summer - we heard or saw one or two every now and again. This phase lasted so long that we began to think maybe his TS was improving, even though we had been told to expect it to get worse as he approaches puberty. Then he woke up one day about a month into the school year with constant, non-stop tics. The night before, he had been fine and almost tic-free. Makes you wonder what exactly happened, but it is simply the nature of the disorder.

Most people have the view that the tics are either under voluntary control (they are NOT) and annoying (okay, they are that). When you have a child with near constant tics, going out is an adventure unto itself. Even relatives are annoyed and embarrassed by the child's bizarre behaviors. Imagine if you will taking your son out to a restaurant. Should be a simple, normal, and even routine thing by the time the child is 10, right? Now imagine that child is squeaking, spitting, grimacing, yelling out nonsensical words, throwing his arms up in the air, and shaking his entire body - non-stop. He puts food on his fork and jerks his arms, sending the food flying. Food goes in his mouth, but he has to spit at just that moment, so out it comes again. Then he begins to get upset because people are looking, staring, making rude comments. The more upset he gets, the worse the tics get.

I think you can see my point. Going ANYWHERE is almost impossible. School became a nightmare, and life became one as well. His body hurt from doing these motions over and over again, his throat hurt from all the vocal tics. The only time he got a break was when he was sound asleep, but try just falling asleep doing all of the above. Thankfully, he sees a specialist who changed his medication and got them under better control. We still see more than we did over the summer, but he's back to living a normal life again at least. Well, normal as it gets, anyway.

Back to school though. I got off the track a bit! They all went back on Wednesday and of course the two boys were sick (and stayed home) by Friday. Can't win - germs seem to follow my three around and attack every other day. Yep, I know every parent feels this way!

Anyway, on Thursday morning, I finally realized something. Getting the youngest (Munchkin #3) up and dressed for school is always a challenge. Well, he didn't want to wake up and was running late as a consequence. So there I am telling him to hurry, he's going to be late, put your shoes on, etc. and I look at him - he's going slower and slower. The more I say to hurry, the longer he has to take to do even the simplest of things. My frustration levels, needless to say, were sky high and here's this kid just glaring at me. Hmmm. Normal kid passive/aggressive behavior for being hurried when he doesn't want to be? I'm beginning to think so. He has been very resistant lately to anyone telling him to do things he doesn't want to do. Now, all kids resist that, but he does it by whining and complaining loudly, and just not listening to anyone else. He does this endlessly until he either gets his own way or finally gives up.

I'm beginning to see a pattern here, but I haven't quite figured it out or what to do about it. He's always been a difficult child to discipline as he doesn't react the way other kids do. When he was younger, I'd put him in timeout and he'd refuse to come out of it. Or, he'd have a meltdown. So, you never know with this kid. But, I am starting to see that this latest bit is his way of protesting things he doesn't like. Don't get me wrong - I'd MUCH rather have this than hitting or meltdowns. But, I'm wondering how to get past it, especially things like the slowing down when you're late thing! I will need to give this more thought.

Welcome to 2008

What a way to start 2008 - Munchkin #3 (youngest) had a meltdown first thing this morning. Now, by "first thing" I mean 11am. We stayed up last night to watch the ball drop in Times Square on television, so the routine was definitely off. This didn't help. With TS and it's associated disorders, routine is king. But, it was New Year's Eve ... we wanted to make it special. Sometimes, even when routine is king, you just have to go with your gut and make those memories for the kids. Of course, then there is the morning after.

Ironic that I was reflecting on the animals we lost during 2007. Apparently #3 had been thinking along the same lines because this morning he began crying about the dog we lost to cancer. This became a full-blown "meltdown" before long. For anyone who has never experienced a child during a meltdown, it is difficult to describe. They just lose themselves in the misery of whatever the situation is and no amount of reasoning gets them out of it. It's been my experience that you just have to repeatedly tell them you understand how they are feeling, and wait it out. Eventually, the meltdown runs out of steam.

In the case of this morning, he progressed from missing the dog to crying hysterically that he was terrified the rest of us would die and leave him all alone. This is his anxiety disorder showing it's ugly head. I hate the anxiety disorder. I have watched it wreak havoc with my son's life for years now. I can take all the tics and obsessions and even the hyperactive and impulsive behavior. But, the anxiety kills me. It makes my little boy terrified and there is nothing I can do to help him other than listen and try to calm his fears. It rarely works, although as he gets older, he seems to bounce back better.

Anyway, the meltdown lasted almost an hour. Worst one we've seen in a long time. He's calm now, and his sister has been playing with him all afternoon. Every once in a while, I can see the sweet girl she really is underneath all those teen hormones! They all return to school tomorrow and I hope the return to the routine will help things. I also hope there is no anxiety about returning. We've had that in the past where, after an extended period of time off, he has trouble going back into the classroom. It's part separation anxiety for being away from us, and part school anxiety since he tends to have a tough time in school and always has. For all that though, he stills wakes up with a smile on his face every day. I love this kid.